SNL: Secret Word

South Park Takes on Tiger Woods; Golf Clubs in Hand

Golf clubs in hands or not, the kids of "South Park" are ready to take on Tiger Woods.

Creators of the Comedy Central cartoon have long since proven that no subject is sacred to them. So for the opening of its 14th season on Wednesday, the troubled golfer encounters Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman in their animated Colorado town.

"It's such an important issue in America right now – the sex addiction outbreak," Matt Stone, who makes the series with partner Trey Parker, said on Friday. "We're all really concerned about him and hope he gets better."

Sex addiction, the intersection of powerful men and willing women, late-night phone calls to the police and bad public relations gave them so much fodder they could have made an entire Tiger-centric season, Stone said.

Since the Peabody Award-winning show's first episode in 1997, Parker and Stone haven't worried about lines between good taste and bad if they can get a laugh. They mocked the Church of Scientology to the point of annoying Tom Cruise, and depicted Jesus Christ defecating on President Bush and the American flag.

"There's a delicacy in talking about (Woods) that we don't have to worry about," Stone said.

He wouldn't give many details about the episode, in part because he and Parker were still writing it on Friday. Stone said he was fascinated and disgusted by Woods' public apology, so it's likely that will be worked in.

"South Park" is airing its 200th episode next month.

"We can't even believe we're still here doing this," he said.

Obama to push 'No Child Left Behind' overhaul

The Obama administration plans to send a wide-ranging overhaul of the No Child Left Behind education law to Congress on Monday, arguing that the current legislation has pushed schools to lower their standards to meet federal requirements.

Desperate Housewives - Out & About in NYC

Every year, "Desperate Housewives" has a yearlong mystery, usually involving a new family and tying in to longtime Wisteria Lane residents. This year's plot started off promisingly enough, with the casting of Drea de Matteo as Angie Bolen the matriarch of the new family.

De Matteo, who once smoked up Sunday-night TV screens as Adrianna on "The Sopranos," is giving it all she's got, although sometimes she still seems to be playing Ade. But she can only do so much when her plot just doesn't seem to have that much going for it.

On Sunday's episode, de Matteo's character finally started to spill some of her secrets, telling Gaby what smart viewers had already guessed: Angie had been a teen eco-activist who got in with the evil Patrick Logan, Danny's real father, and one of their protests somehow took a life.

In the final scene, Angie's mother's neighbor was seen calling Logan, telling him that for a promised $1000, she'd spill the beans on where Angie lived. Previews later confirmed that Logan is apparently on the first plane to Fairview to get revenge on Angie.

This is ABC's big reveal? This is where the major plot of their hit show is going? Violent eco-activism? This sounds like a plot summary dreamed up by The Onion wanting to spoof the ultimate suburban show. What next, killer yoga moves? Poisoned lattes? Tampered-with Priuses — oh, wait.

Sure, Patrick Logan will turn out to be creepy and brutal, and fans will eventually get the details on who died, and how. But it's hard to imagine how that plot can really hold viewers' interest when it's taken this long to develop even this far.

Yes, Julie's attempted murder has yet to be solved, and there are hints that will tie in to the Bolens. But it apparently wasn't Logan who strangled her, since he doesn't seem to know yet where the Bolen family has moved.

The problem with this year's mystery is that so far, it hasn't really involved the other families. The best mystery on "Housewives" remains the first, where Mary Alice Young's suicide turned out to have ties to her illegal adoption of her son, and the murder of his drug-addict mother. That story had reverberations within practically every Wisteria Lane home, and echoed for several seasons afterwards.

Angie Bolen, as played by de Matteo, is a gritty, tough-talking "Housewife" who offers a nice contrast to uber-preppy Bree and control freak Lynette. She's actually a bit like tough-at-the-core Gaby in that she can throw off a quip or a wisecrack in one scene, then pull out her own pair of brass knuckles and take someone down in the next. But she's pretty much spinning her wheels with this slow-to-develop story. Maybe if Patrick Logan turns out to be de Matteo's fellow "Sopranos" vet, Michael "Chris-to-FUH Moltisanti" Imperioli, the show can swing on a dime and recreate the magic of past years, but don't count on it because "Logan" is being played by Torchwood's - John Barrowman.

Thankfully, in Sunday's episode, some of the other plots made up for the dreary mystery. Bree discovered to her horror that ingratiating Sam was really Rex's son. Lynette's creepy control of her children appears to have paid off for once, as she recognized Preston's Russian fiance as a golddigger and managed to successfully hide her grandmother's ring from the grasping beauty. And Gaby rubbed shoulders with old runway pals Heidi Klum and Paulina Porizkova, who turned out to hate her. The former model realized that she had destroyed her own fashion career, and urged Carlos' niece Ana not to make the same mistakes she had.

At least this week, the lameness of the Bolen mystery didn't matter all that much.

'Mission Impossible' and 'Airplane!' actor Peter Graves dies at 83

Image Credit: Everett Collection

Actor Peter Graves, the square-jawed star of the 1967-73 TV spy series Mission Impossible and the original host of cable’s Biography series, died of a heart attack Sunday at his home in Pacific Palisades, Calif., according to the New York Times. He was 83.

He appeared in golden-age Hollywood classics like 1953’s Stalag 17 and 1955’s Night of the Hunter as well as a host of genre movies through the years, lending an air of seriousness to even the most trivial roles. In later years, that dedication made him a perfect choice for satire, including his famed turn as a seemingly straitlaced pilot in 1980’s Airplane! (“Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?”)

Born Peter Aurness in Minneapolis, he served in the U.S. Air Force in 1944-45, studied drama at the University of Minnesota, and then followed his older brother, Gunsmoke star James Arness, to Hollywood. (He took the surname of his maternal grandfather to avoid confusion with his brother.) Like his brother, Graves found some of his most recognizable roles on TV: In Mission Impossible, he played Jim Phelps, the cool-as-a-cucumber leader of a super-secret spy organization that conducted elaborate undercover operations, earning a Golden Globe in 1971 and an Emmy nomination in 1969. Beginning in 1987, he served as the original host of A&E’s Biography series (for which he won his only Emmy, in 1997, for Judy Garland: Beyond the Rainbow).

Lawmakers demand MTA audit, halt of tax

KEN VALENTI • GANNETT NEWS SERVICE • MARCH 13, 2010

Leaders from the northern areas of the Metropolitan Transportation Authority region stepped up the call Friday for Albany to remove the tax on employers that supports the MTA, and also demanded a "forensic audit" of the transit giant's spending.

"This region is hemorrhaging jobs," said Assemblyman Greg Ball, R-Patterson, faulting the payroll tax for making things worse. "More and more businesses are going out of business."

Ball said the audit would look for "criminal" accounting in what he called "the MTA's crooked books."

The officials, many from Dutchess, Westchester, Putnam and Orange counties, issued their call on the steps of the Michaelian Office Building, the seat of Westchester County government.

MTA spokesman Aaron Donovan declined to comment on the call to end the payroll tax, or on Ball's comments about "cooked books." But he released a statement saying the agency had no objection to an audit.

"The rescue legislation passed last spring (by the state Legislature) authorizes a forensic audit, and we welcome it," the statement said. "In the meantime, the MTA is focused on overhauling how we do business to ensure that every dollar counts by cutting administrative costs, consolidating functions and renegotiating contracts."

Assemblyman Marc Molinaro, R-Red Hook, said, "Reports of egregious abuse of tax dollars by a senior MTA official should serve as a wake-up call for the state and the public. Despite annually relying on taxpayers for billions of dollars, the MTA has been accountable to no one. When it was revealed that over ten percent of the MTA work force earned triple-figured salaries; when the Legislature looked to a job-killing MTA payroll tax that drove businesses from the Hudson Valley; and when the MTA continually demanded that taxpayers bail it out when revenue projections fell short; my answer was: not until you open your books."

MTA Chief Executive Jay Walder has said the payroll tax enacted last year is essential to the agency. The MTA is facing an $800 million deficit that it is handling by cutting services and eliminating more than 1,000 jobs, including hundreds of layoffs.

At the end of the press conference, the officials signed an oversized copy of a letter to state Comptroller Thomas DiNapoli to conduct the audit.

Assemblyman Robert Castelli, R-Goldens Bridge, said he wanted to give Walder the benefit of the doubt for his call to overhaul the nation's largest transit agency, but also said the comptroller's work in looking at the funding was necessary.

"I don't think that (Walder) can do it alone," he said. "This cannot be done in a vacuum."

The tax of 34 cents per $100 of payroll is paid by businesses, local governments, hospitals and nonprofits in the 12-county MTA region.

It brought in about $790 million last year and is projected to bring in $1.7 billion this year.

Officials noted Friday that representatives on the Metro-North governing board from Putnam, Rockland, Orange and Dutchess counties get a quarter vote each, while the other counties, including each borough of New York City, get a full vote each.

SNL:Broadview Security