BREAKING NEWS....

Kanye West just interrupted Patrick Swayze's funeral to let everyone know that Michael Jackson's death was better!

Just Some Random Thoughts of the Day...

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
3. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
4. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
5. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
6.. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
7. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
8. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", All I hear is "I'm not really smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
9. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
10. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
11. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood..
12. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
13. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
14. Bad decisions make good stories.
15. Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
16. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
17. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
18. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
19. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
20. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.
21. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
22. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
23. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
24. I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
25. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit

Five Ways Kanye West Can Bounce Back

After all his outbursts in the last few years, we should probably rename the Video Music Awards the Kanye West Show. While Kanye's latest eruption during Taylor Swift's acceptance speech won him no fans -- even though some thought his sentiment (that Beyonce should have won) was right -- Kanye's name is on everyone's (rhymes with hit) list. So, PopEater came up with five things Kanye can do to revamp his image.

1. Eat a fat, gooey slice of humble pie. Start doing the talk shows (the Jay Leno appearance last night was a good start), and start making fun of yourself a la Paris Hilton. Appear contrite. Take acting lessons if you have to. Get on 'SNL' and do a skit where you diss yourself. Show us that you are like Lady Gaga -- that Kanye West is not the same thing as "Kanye West." Point out that you aren't really taking everything so seriously. Repent, repent, repent.

2. Use your need for publicity for the better good. Do charity, and lots of it. Visit the troops. Donate money and music. It's also probably a good idea to do something to win back the country music community who think you're the worst person on earth right now. If Kanye can use his big mouth for something other than stealing the spotlight from another star, people might like him a lot more.

3. Start writing your blog like a normal person. HEY KANYE WHEN YOU WRITE YOUR BLOG IN ALL CAPS IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE MAD AND YELLING AT US AND OUCH IT HURTS OUR EARS/EYES AND EVEN IF YOU ARE WRITING SOMETHING THAT MAKES SENSE YOU COME OFF LIKE A CRAZY PERSON WHO JUST INJECTED FIVE CUPS OF COFFEE DIRECTLY INTO YOUR VEINS. OMG WILL YOU PLEASE STOP THAT! We think Kanye secretly knows that this is true because his first apology to Taylor was in ALL CAPS LOCK, and his second one, more brief, seemed more sincere simply by turning off the Caps key. So, Kanye make a habit of it, and people might not think you are shouting all the time.

4. Get a new wardrobe and girlfriend (or at least a new wardrobe for your girlfriend). First, you have to lose the shades. Only jerks wear sunglasses at night, and when people can't see your eyes, they can't see the windows to your soul -- and right now, people aren't even sure if you have a soul. Secondly, showing up to every event with a girlfriend who wears either nothing or catsuits that leave nothing to the imagination is doing nothing to endear you to Middle Americans who don't watch porn all day long. We suggest Natalie Portman on your arm for your next high-profile event. She's smart and nice, classy, and drop-dead gorgeous.

5. Get a column in a magazine. Explain to everyone how you really feel instead of resorting to mic-grabbing and ALL CAPS LOCK. It works for Diablo Cody. If you believe that Beyonce is one of the best artists of our time, we would like to hear about that (because we agree) and would like for you do it in a way that does not hurt innocent teen stars.

Jay Leno Almost Makes Kanye West Cry

Kanye West used Jay Leno's prime-time debut Monday to offer another apology for ruining Taylor Swift's night at the MTV VMAs and says he's going to take some time off for reflection. The startling moment of the interview happened when Leno abruptly asked if his late mother would lecture him for his actions. Cue awkward silence

'Desperate Housewives' actress has lung cancer

Kathryn Joosten, a two-time Emmy winner for her role as feisty neighbor Mrs. McCluskey on "Desperate Housewives," has lung cancer -- and she plans to do everything she can to fight it.

The actress, 69, who already won a bout with lung cancer in 2001, broke the news to her "Housewives" producers Monday morning as she expects her shooting schedule could be interrupted for treatment. "They're totally supportive," she said. "I said, 'If you want to put it in the story line, do it! Tell anybody you want, because the public's going to know.' "

I know that I'm not alone in wishing Kathryn a speedy recovery!

Patrick Swayze Loses His Battle With Cancer at 57

Patrick Swayze, the hunky actor who starred in two of the '80 most romantic hits, 'Ghost' and 'Dirty Dancing,' died Monday after a brave battle with pancreatic cancer. He was 57. "Patrick Swayze passed away peacefully today with family at his side after facing the challenges of his illness for the last 20 months," said a statement by his publicist, Annett Wolf. No other details were provided.

Russell Brand Comes to Kanye's Defense

If anyone can sympathize with Kanye West's predicament, it's foul-mouthed comedian Russell Brand, who hosted the MTV Video Music Awards during which West infamously slighted Taylor Swift.

"Because in the past I've made mistakes and done things a little bit daft," Brand tells Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM radio show Monday morning. "I know Kanye, and I know he's a nice bloke. We all make mistakes in life."

Brand, 34, says people should stop laying into West, who has apologized, and cut him a little slack for getting "a little bit excited."

"We're all people, these things are a bit silly, no one died," Brand says.

Still, Brand admits that he wanted to gently confront West backstage after the incident.

"Taylor Swift's a young kid, isn't she?" he says. "Yeah, you can't make a pretty girl cry."