BK's square butts ad

Ads for fast food kids' meals usually try to appeal to children. Not the child in all of us, actual children. 

Burger King's new Kids' Meal ad doesn't just try to appeal to the parents in the room who don't care about their child's cholesterol intake. Its choice of music tries to appeal to the parents who are deaf. 

The ad features a new rendition of Sir-Mix-A-Lot's classic big butt anthem "Baby Got Back" that talks about how he now "likes square butts and cannot lie." The Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood isn't as amused and has started a letter writing campaign against the restaurant chain and the Nickelodeon network to express their disgust for cubed booty. 

Normally, I'm all for skanky dancers dressed as scantily clad cartoon characters shaking what the good Lord gave them for our amusement without having to pay for it. But Burger King has created the television equivalent of a swift kick to the boner. 

Whatever hard work these girls did in the gym to obtain such shapely figures are ruined by the shoebox the costume designers have shoved into their outfits' backsides. Plus that creepy Burger King "King" is lording over all of them like some great ghastly pimp who would smack them upside their head with his plastic hand if their butts are a degree under perpendicular. 

The CCFC should also add "ear shatteringly annoying" and "liable of first-degree manslaughter against my ear drums" while they are at it. This thing seems to run at all hours of the day or night, and even runs in succession in the same commercial break. Burger King has already damaged the nation's stomachs, colons, livers, kidneys and esophagi. Are they trying to hit for the cycle, short of going to each of our houses and jamming a cola straw in our ear canals? 

But the worst part is how bad it makes you feel. The very end features a nickel-shelling Sir-Mix-a-Lot sitting on the couch proclaiming that "Booty is booty." You really feel sorry for the guy. His song gets royalties when it's played at every wedding, bar-mitzvah, prom, glow bowling night, and even a few poorly planned funerals. Now he's reduced to schlocking burgers with the one thing the world barely remembers him for. Just watching it will give you more heartaches than one of BK's Ultimate Omelet Sandwiches dipped in liquid cheese and fried to a golden brown.