Five Ways Kanye West Can Bounce Back

After all his outbursts in the last few years, we should probably rename the Video Music Awards the Kanye West Show. While Kanye's latest eruption during Taylor Swift's acceptance speech won him no fans -- even though some thought his sentiment (that Beyonce should have won) was right -- Kanye's name is on everyone's (rhymes with hit) list. So, PopEater came up with five things Kanye can do to revamp his image.

1. Eat a fat, gooey slice of humble pie. Start doing the talk shows (the Jay Leno appearance last night was a good start), and start making fun of yourself a la Paris Hilton. Appear contrite. Take acting lessons if you have to. Get on 'SNL' and do a skit where you diss yourself. Show us that you are like Lady Gaga -- that Kanye West is not the same thing as "Kanye West." Point out that you aren't really taking everything so seriously. Repent, repent, repent.

2. Use your need for publicity for the better good. Do charity, and lots of it. Visit the troops. Donate money and music. It's also probably a good idea to do something to win back the country music community who think you're the worst person on earth right now. If Kanye can use his big mouth for something other than stealing the spotlight from another star, people might like him a lot more.

3. Start writing your blog like a normal person. HEY KANYE WHEN YOU WRITE YOUR BLOG IN ALL CAPS IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE MAD AND YELLING AT US AND OUCH IT HURTS OUR EARS/EYES AND EVEN IF YOU ARE WRITING SOMETHING THAT MAKES SENSE YOU COME OFF LIKE A CRAZY PERSON WHO JUST INJECTED FIVE CUPS OF COFFEE DIRECTLY INTO YOUR VEINS. OMG WILL YOU PLEASE STOP THAT! We think Kanye secretly knows that this is true because his first apology to Taylor was in ALL CAPS LOCK, and his second one, more brief, seemed more sincere simply by turning off the Caps key. So, Kanye make a habit of it, and people might not think you are shouting all the time.

4. Get a new wardrobe and girlfriend (or at least a new wardrobe for your girlfriend). First, you have to lose the shades. Only jerks wear sunglasses at night, and when people can't see your eyes, they can't see the windows to your soul -- and right now, people aren't even sure if you have a soul. Secondly, showing up to every event with a girlfriend who wears either nothing or catsuits that leave nothing to the imagination is doing nothing to endear you to Middle Americans who don't watch porn all day long. We suggest Natalie Portman on your arm for your next high-profile event. She's smart and nice, classy, and drop-dead gorgeous.

5. Get a column in a magazine. Explain to everyone how you really feel instead of resorting to mic-grabbing and ALL CAPS LOCK. It works for Diablo Cody. If you believe that Beyonce is one of the best artists of our time, we would like to hear about that (because we agree) and would like for you do it in a way that does not hurt innocent teen stars.

Jay Leno Almost Makes Kanye West Cry

Kanye West used Jay Leno's prime-time debut Monday to offer another apology for ruining Taylor Swift's night at the MTV VMAs and says he's going to take some time off for reflection. The startling moment of the interview happened when Leno abruptly asked if his late mother would lecture him for his actions. Cue awkward silence

'Desperate Housewives' actress has lung cancer

Kathryn Joosten, a two-time Emmy winner for her role as feisty neighbor Mrs. McCluskey on "Desperate Housewives," has lung cancer -- and she plans to do everything she can to fight it.

The actress, 69, who already won a bout with lung cancer in 2001, broke the news to her "Housewives" producers Monday morning as she expects her shooting schedule could be interrupted for treatment. "They're totally supportive," she said. "I said, 'If you want to put it in the story line, do it! Tell anybody you want, because the public's going to know.' "

I know that I'm not alone in wishing Kathryn a speedy recovery!