Desperate Housewives Season 7 Premiere: Remember Paul?

Welcome back to the suburbs for another hour of campy, trashy murder, deceit and mayhem. Yep, we're back on Wisteria Lane for the seventh season of Desperate Housewives. I have to confess that Desperate Housewives is yet another guilty pleasure for me. Sure, in guy circles it's easy to bash the show and its characters, but DH is one of those series' that's intensely easy to watch. And I'm secure in my manhood so I'll let every and anyone know that I watch the show - SO THERE! LOL

Tonight's season opener was topped and tailed with the return of Paul Young - a murderer who was jailed only after being framed by his victim's sister. Young is hell-bent on getting revenge on the neighbours who turned their backs on him during his court case. And he tells them so, laying on a guilt trip about how he protested his innocence during the trial WHICH THEY DID NOT ATTEND! What's really good about this is that you often forget he is a murderer, and he hasn't really got any business being indignant about their defection!

Over in Carlos and Gaby's house, secrets are springing up and being ruthlessly suppressed. Gaby learns that Bree's son was the hit and run driver who killed Carlos' mother, and Carlos discovers that a mix-up at the hospital means their daughter isn't their daughter. And in true soapy fashion, both take pains to hide their secrets from each other. But it's alright, they're trying to spare each other's feelings.

I loved how Gaby's immediate reaction was purely selfish, being annoyed that she'd have to give the bad news to Carlos and he'd somehow blame her!

Less interesting - but then I can't stand Teri Hatcher's character, Susan - Mike and Susan are starting over in a rented apartment to save themselves some money. And it seems that Susan's clunky, oversized jewellery can't save their finances. Mike wants to go work on the oil rigs for a while to raise funds, but Susan gets an unexpected offer from their landlady to become a soft porn webcam girl. Naturally, after taking a moral stance against it, Susan realises she has no choice but to appear.

I estimate it'll be about half-an-hour before one of Lynette's sons recognizes her on the web.

Bree and Orson are getting divorced, so Bree has a fight with her living room. Specifically the wallpaper, which is a nice excuse to bring in Brian Austin Green as a decorator and have him wander around in a vest top for the duration of the episode. In another hit to Bree's fragile ego, she discovers that Orson and his carer are now in a relationship, which may push the straight-laced housewife into a torrid affair with the hired help. Bring it on!

Over at the Scavo residence, Lynette gets an unexpected visit from her friend Renee Perry, played by Ugly Betty's Vanessa Williams. With Lynette being overwhelmed at home with a new baby, her family see a different side of her through Renee's eyes. Especially Tom, who discovers that she had a threesome with two football players back in the day. I loved how it didn't take him long to recover from the news and proposition his newly 'dirty' wife!

Of course, it's not going to be a fleeting visit for Vanessa Williams, and her reason to stay comes via the news that her husband is leaving her for another woman. Let's hope that she sticks around Wisteria Lane for a little while - I suspect she's going to be 'interesting' for Tom and Lynette's marriage.

I'm already loving this cycle of revenge that's emerging - Paul's out of prison, hoping to repay his former neighbours for deserting him. But all the while, his victim's sister is planning his death. I'm guessing he'll be so busy looking the other way that he'll be a really easy target - but with Felicia Tilman in prison, who's the Wisteria Lane resident that'll do the job on her behalf?

Answers in the comments section, please!

Quotes from this episode

Gaby: "No, you shouldn't have told me at all. Now I have to tell Carlos, and he's going to tell Andrew and then he's going to have to go to prison. So thank you for sending my husband to prison, Bree. Nice work."

Lynette: "Baby number 5. An entire basketball team has come out of me, so I am officially too exhausted to care."

Tom: "I'm holding the baby." Lynette: "Well spray her with some glass cleaner and rub her on the windows. I don't want Rene to know I live like this."

MJ: "So, are we poor?" Mike (to Susan): "If you field this one, I'll tell him where babies come from."

Renee: "Sometimes weeks go by without me seeing a servant." Lynette: "I'm sure you see them on whipping day."

Bree: "I'm not sure that my delicate ears could support something so large. How about Gaby? She has big strong Latino ears."

Lynette: "Renee comes across as a little stuck-up when you first meet her. Which is a real timesaver."

Susan names her terms for doing porn: "No nudity, no sex. And no-one can ever know."

Bree: "Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm going to be serving dinner in this room. Not sailors."

Jimmy Kimmel Spoofs Sesame Street

Snooki and her 'Jersey Shore' pals recently dropped by 'Jimmy Kimmel Live' for a very good cause: to spoof the wholesome PBS kids' series that gave Katy Perry the boot this week after she wore an overly sexy frock during a duet with Elmo (like the singer whose bra squirts whipped cream would wear an Irish sweater for a TV appearance? She's a Snooki fan, by the way!). It's not usually advisable to go after a show that simply wants children to learn reading, counting, and neighborly goodwill, but who said Jimmy Kimmel likes to do anything advisable?

Long after the 'Sesame Street' demo's bedtime, Kimmel aired his clip of 'Sesame Shore,' which included important life lessons for kids about beer bongs, hot-tub birth control and counting to six on The Situation's abs. Check it out here.

Katy Perry Elmo Spoof on SNL

While Perry was in the 'Saturday Night Live' studios to be the season premiere's musical guest, she bounced (and bounced) onto the faux set of 'Bronx Beat' to be interviewed by host Amy Poehler and her fellow 'SNL' alum Maya Rudolph.

The gum-chomping ladies dished about the neighborhood scandal caused by young Maureen, the library volunteer asked to dress more modestly before reading storybooks to any more kids.

Winking at controversy certainly seems to come as naturally to Perry as singing, strutting and tweeting! Watch her 'SNL' sketch here.

Questions You May Hear At A Job Interview And How To Answer Them

Here are just a few questions you may hear during a job interview along with their translation and some valid responses to them.

Question: Tell me about yourself.

Translation: Why should I hire you?

Recommended response. Don't take the question too literally. Hiring managers don't want to hear that you grew up on a small farm in Kansas or that you enjoy world travel. Furthermore, they don't want to hear that you are a great communicator, team player, and fast learner. They want you to show tangible proof of why you would be a good fit for their organization. Outline two to four of your key competencies and couple each competency with proof of success. For example a customer service representative might showcase one of his/her competencies by saying, "I have strong research skills and can quickly resolve customer inquiries. For example, in my last job, I resolved 98 percent of all pending customer inquiries within 24 hours which was 50 percent faster than the company's expectation for problem resolution.

Question: What is your weakness?

Translation: We know what your weakness is. Prove to us it's not a liability for this position.

Recommended response. Before your interview address any potential obstacles that the hiring manager may pick up on. Perhaps it is your lack of knowledge with a specific software or your lack of experience in a particular industry. Show how you would overcome these obstacles or demonstrate how you have overcome similar obstacles in the past. For example, if you apply for a position that requires PowerPoint skills and you have limited experience, give an example of another software you are proficient in and how you gained that proficiency to prove that your current limited knowledge is a minor liability that can be quickly overcome.

Question: Where do you see yourself in five years?

Translation: Do you have a realistic perspective on what this job/company is about?

Recommended Response. Craft a response that makes sense for the employer's business environment. If it is a small company, don't say you expect to have a position with increasing responsibility -- that may not be feasible in their organization. If you are taking a job as a bookkeeper just to get a foot in the door of the company but really want to be a sales representative, don't bring that up during the interview. The hiring manager needs to know that you are committed to the job you are applying for, not already thinking about a new job. You can mention that you see yourself in a position where you can continue to learn and contribute to the company's bottom line and give an example of how you were able to successfully do that at a previous organization. This answer will help managers feel confident in your level of commitment to the current job and your future commitment to the organization.

Question: What have you been doing since your last position ended?

Translation: Why have you been out of work so long?

Recommended response. Discuss any volunteer or consulting assignments you may have had in the interim. If you have been actively interviewing but haven't been extended an offer, you can mention that you have been interviewing but haven't found the right fit yet. If you have had limited activity, you can let the hiring manager know that you have been using this time to evaluate your skills, craft your resume, conduct informational interviews, and network within professional circles. Obviously saying you've been watching re-runs of 20 consecutive seasons of 'Law & Order' won't go over well, so stick to discussing the professional activities you have been involved in.

Question: Are you interviewing with other companies?

Translation: Are you worth investing some time in or are you about to take another offer?

Recommended response. Generally it's best to be somewhat vague in your response, particularly if you are at the beginning of your search. If it is early on, let the employer know that you have just begun the interview process. If you have been in search mode for awhile, let them know that you have been actively searching but haven't found the right fit yet.

Question: Tell me about the accomplishment you are most proud of.

Translation: Is your past experience similar to what we need you to do here?

Recommended response. The accomplishment you are most proud of might not be the one that is most relevant to the organization's needs. Showcase an accomplishment that proves you have the specific competencies to do the job they need you to do. The story you select may be different for different interviews. That's OK. You can be proud of more than one accomplishment, and it is more important to showcase the right accomplishment than it is to bring up the achievement that brought you the greatest personal satisfaction.