Friday, October 23, 2009

Real Houswives table-flipper is losing home to foreclosure


If you can, imagine Fran Fine from The Nanny saying these words, "Oh my gawd..." because that's the voice in my head when I read that Real Housewives' Teresa Guidice is losing her New Jersey mansion to foreclosure.

The table-flipping mother of four, who was shown moving into the palatial, marble-laden manse during the first season of Bravo's The Real Housewives of New Jersey, is behind in her mortgage and DLJ Mortgage Capital filed papers in Superior Court of New Jersey this week to begin foreclosure.

How is this possible? During the show, Joe was paying for everything in cash. The hundred dollar bills were being distributed like they were singles in a strip club. Joe was making it rain.

Perhaps the recession has actually hit the New Jersey millionaires, the same way it has the ladies in Atlanta -- who've also been moving to avoid foreclosure -- as well as Orange County.

Teresa was one of the more colorful New Jersey wives, especially when she lost it at the "last supper" with the group and flipped the table because of Danielle's actions. It was such an extreme moment that Bravo reran it over and over again. Teresa became known as table-flipper Teresa. Now, if they foreclosure happens, she'll be known as the table-flipper, foreclosed upon Teresa.

No, seriously, it's not funny that the Guidices might lose their home. It was a lot more home than they needed and it looked like they were throwing their money around, but there's nothing fun about foreclosure. I'm sure when the show resumes in 2010, Teresa will have a lot to tell us about what happened.

Update: According to the NJ.com, it's not Teresa's mansion that's being foreclosed upon, but another Guidice property five miles from the house. Therefore, there will be no table-flipping or flipping out over this business.

Will 'Balloon Boy' Be Scarred For Life?

Falcon Heene, aka "Balloon Boy," is a victim of his parent's desire for fame. And some experts are saying that the scars of this experience will stay with him for a long time.

The Daily News quotes a number of mental health professionals as saying that Falcon may face a "struggle" to create a life for himself outside of his family. By forcing their son to participate in this hoax, and then lie about it on national television, Richard and Mayumi Heene could be setting up the boy for a lifetime of "anxiety and depression." Others, such as DePauw University professor Jeffrey McCall, say that the explosion of children on reality shows is nothing more than "exploitation."

This is something that some of us have been saying for years. There is no reason to put children on reality shows. None.

Well, there is one reason -- money.

No matter what TLC wants to say now, "Jon & Kate Plus 8" was a huge money maker for the network. And the ratings got higher when things got worse for the family. TLC only pulled the plug after papa Jon Gosselin began making noise about taking the kids off the show.

It finally took a maniacal, fame-seeking faux-scientist to pretend that his son had floated away in an aluminum UFO catcher, and then watching said kid vomit on national television, for the big thinkers to notice that perhaps children who appear on reality shows are being exploited.

As for Falcon being scarred for life by the experience, let's not jump to conclusions. Things have worked out well for a lot of child stars in the past. But the title of a recent AOL Television article, "10 Former TV Child Stars Who Aren't Crackheads," pretty much says it all.

Falcon's case may be more dramatic; he did throw up on TV. Twice.



Let's not pretend this is a new problem.

None of this lets the Heene parents off the hook. What they allegedly did was disgusting. But at least this incident will probably spare Falcon and his brothers from appearing on their own reality show. With stories like this one, we have to take our silver linings where we can.

What do you think? Is a parent who puts their children on a reality show just using them?

10 Most Awesome Food Mascots

In ancient times, food was marketed primarily by "hunger." But in the modern era, it's not enough that we eat our food, we must also emotionally bond with it. This partly explains the enduring appeal of food mascots, those bright, colorful, affable characters who beckon us to consume.

In many cases, we choose a product simply because we have a bizarre attachment to the cartoon that represents it. There is no shame in trusting, say, a paranoid Leprechaun with a powerful marshmallow lust more than one's own family. These 10 icons are the awesomest in the pantheon of cheap food branding.

10. The Noid



Awesome Because: He's a criminally insane super-villain, like the Joker. The Noid exists to keep Dominos from delivering a piping-hot pizza to your doorstep in 30 minutes or less. Of course, he fails every time, thwarted by his arch nemesis: pizza. Curse you, gluten and bovine mucus discs! The Noid is also notable for inspiring a video game, the goal of which is to get you to buy a Dominos pizza.

9. Jolly Green Giant



Awesome Because: He's jolly, like Santa Claus. He's at least 80 years old. He rocks a tunic made out of leaves. And he's a giant. Named for a brand of large peas made by the Green Giant company in the 1920s, the Jolly Green Giant is a benevolent pitchman replete with subtext: Eat your vegetables or he will stomp you.

8. Kool-Aid Man



Awesome Because: He wants you to drink sugar water, and he wants you to drink it now. He will break down this wall to get you to drink the most amazing thing ever to happen to boring old water. This manic urgency helps the 35-year-old mascot make his compelling argument, best summed by his trademark battle cry of "YEAH!"

7. Hamburger Helper



Awesome Because: The Hamburger Helper knows what it's like to be a harried homemaker, and he just wants to help her. If only a husband had his powers of empathy, ri-iiight ladies? With only three stubby fingers, Hamburger Helper has been helping out Mom and lonely, single men alike, with quick meals that have been stretching budgets since 1971. Truly, he's the best thing to happen to beef since the meat grinder (and the USDA.)

6. Mrs. Butterworth



Awesome Because: She's a magic bottle! She'll open her skull, and pour delicious, golden syrup all over toaster waffles, just like a mother should. And then she'll make charming conversation all day long. Invented by Pinnacle Foods in the late 1970s, Mrs. Butterworth is like Aunt Jemima, only not a stuck-up diva. Mr. Butterworth is a lucky man.


5. Trix Rabbit



Awesome Because: The Trix Rabbit is an existential hero: constantly denied a bowl of fruity Trix, and yet undeterred by the futility of this pursuit. Like Sisyphus. This cruel cycle has been happening since 1954, and one has to admit, this rabbit's burden makes a bowl of dyed, ground corn balls seem pretty tasty.

4. Colonel Sanders



Awesome Because: Any guy who strolls around in a white suit with a bucket of fried chicken is always invited to the party. While not a true military colonel -- he was a Kentucky colonel -- this guy actually existed. His name was Harland Sanders, he created Kentucky Fried Chicken, and he died in 1980. But he lives on as an animated brand, and so does his franchise, an international fast food juggernaut.

3. Pillsbury Dough Boy



Awesome Because: When this famous icon finally comes out of the oven a Dough Man, he'll have a flaky, buttery pastry crust. Hallucinated by an ad man under a deadline, the Dough Boy, also known as "Poppin' Fresh," has been selling biscuits, croissants and pancake mix with his trademark ticklishness since 1965, adding a layer of cuteness to empty carbohydrates.

2. The M&Ms



Awesome Because: They don't hold a grudge against being devoured by their human friends. These animated mascots for Mars strike a perfect balance of adorable and creepy, even going so far as to wink to the fact that they are begging to be sacrificed, politely refusing to scream as they melt in your mouth. Apparently, eating sentient beings made out of chocolate is not cannibalism.

1. Grimace



Awesome Because: Grimace is a mystery. What, exactly, is Grimace? Barney the Dinosaur's second cousin? A goofy grape? A mutant eggplant? Originally an "evil" character in the 1950s, Grimace's raison d'etre was to steal milkshakes. After a loving brand lobotomy, the character was transformed into a waddling dufus beloved by thousands.

Cuckoo for the Cocoa Puffs bird or love the Lucky Charms leprechaun? Share your story in the comments below.