Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

An Obituary printed in the London Times - not a joke and makes you think!!

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well -intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason....

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Worlds Worst Boyfriend?

Dude lets his lady get hit by a foul ball...

Linda McMahon body slams foes to win Connecticut GOP Senate primary

Rookie pol and pro-wrestling tycoon Linda McMahon body-slammed two rivals Tuesday night to coast to an easy victory in Connecticut's GOP Senate primary.

The founding partner of the WWE wrestling league was declared the winner, garnering an insurmountable 49% of the vote with more than half the precincts reporting.

Former U.S. Rep. Rob Simmons had 29%, and financial commentator Peter Schiff followed with 22%.

A one-time front-runner, Simmons couldn't keep up with McMahon's television ad buys - she pumped some $50 million of her own money into the race - and last spring shelved his bid to fill the seat being vacated by retiring Sen. Chris Dodd.

McMahon also tapped into the conservative anti-government Tea Party movement to help her gain traction and catapult her to the top of the polls.

Schiff trailed McMahon and Simmons during nearly the entire campaign.

The winner takes on state Attorney General Richard Blumenthal, who was unopposed in the Democratic Senate primary.

In Colorado, Sen. Michael Bennet defeated former state House Speaker Andrew Romanoff in the Colorado Democratic Senate primary, which had become a proxy war between President Obama and ex-President Bill Clinton, who backed opposing candidates.

Obama was behind Bennet, appointed last year when Ken Salazar resigned to become Obama's interior secretary. Clinton endorsed Romanoff, who backed Hillary Clinton in her 2008 presidential bid.

There was another behind-the-scenes battle in Georgia, where former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin endorsed ex-Georgia Secretary of State Karen Handel for governor. Late last night the race between Handel and ex-Rep. Nathan Deal for the GOP nomination was too close to call, with both candidates claiming 50% of the vote.

JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater basks in new status as celebrity

Fired-up flight attendant Steven Slater was walking on air as he emerged from jail Tuesday night as a folk hero.

"I knew there was a brouhaha about this, but while I was on the inside I didn't realize how much attention it got," said Slater, wearing the same T-shirt and plaid shorts he had on when arrested a day earlier.

"I think something about this resonated with people. The outpouring of support is very appreciated. I'm overwhelmed, very thankful," Slater said after being released from the Vernon C. Bain Center in Hunts Point, the Bronx, after posting $2,500 bail.

Slater, 38, was transformed into a folk hero after he cursed out a nasty passenger over a plane intercom, grabbed some beer and fled down an emergency slide at Kennedy Airport Sunday.

"It's been a good time," a beaming Slater said, as employees leaving the lockup shouted, "You're a hero" and "You're a celebrity."

Relishing in his cult status, Slater even joked about his short stay in the slammer. "I feel tired, I feel about how I did when that suitcase fell on me."Then he pointed to cuts and bruises on his forehead that he called "aviation-related."

But Slater's flight to freedom hit a little turbulence. Freaked out by the media horde following his livery car, Slater's driver returned him to the jail after a 10-minute ride.

"The food was just too good," Slater deadpanned about why he returned.

A lot of people agree that Slater didn't commit a crime, and that includes his mother, his lawyer - and about half the world.

"I can understand why he snapped. I would have snapped, too," Diane Slater said Tuesday after her son pleaded not guilty to criminal charges.

"I think he just had a very small meltdown, and I think he deserved to be able to have that meltdown."

And she isn't the only one.

"I lost patience after a female passenger had an argument with another passenger and then opened the bin door, hitting me on the head without apologizing," Slater told cops.

In his announcement to passengers on the flight out of Pittsburgh, Slater referred to the woman as "the f-----g a--hole that told me to f--k off."

He then declared, "I've had it. That's it," witnesses said.

Slater's Legal Aid lawyer, Howard Turman, said his client was trying to defuse a testy situation when the passenger, who has not been identified, started giving him hell after the plane landed.

"He was trying to do his best in providing safety and you have rudeness and lack of courtesy among the traveling public," Turman said.

"The woman was outraged and cursed him out a great deal. At that point, I think, he just wanted to avoid conflict with her."

Through his lawyer, Slater pleaded not guilty to criminal mischief, reckless endangerment and trespassing charges.

Authorities said Slater endangered jetBlue employees under the aircraft when he activated the emergency slide, which costs more than $25,000 to replace.

JetBlue suspended Slater even as Facebook fans began raising money for his legal defense and demanding he get his job back.

He has quickly become a global sensation. MySpace photos of him posing on planes - one with a Bud Light in his hand - hit the Internet. His ex-wife, married to him in the '90s, also came out of the woodwork.

In the leafy Thousand Oaks, Calif., neighborhood where Slater grew up and his mother still lives, neighbors were shocked by his newfound notoriety.

"I've never seen any display of that kind of conduct before, so I have to believe to some extent there must have been some severe provocation," said Ron Franz, who lives across the street.