Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Jake & Vienna - Tell Their Side of the Story on Bachelor Reunion
Not for nothing but I think Jake is a real heel and should probably go onto that MTV show Tool Academy. He's such a fame seeking whore. I'm glad Vienna called him on it and that she beat him to the tabloid punch so-to-speak. You know he would have made it all about him and tried to make her look stupid. But what Jake? Vienna served you up like a dish best served cold!
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if I had to score tonight’s verbal boxing match, I’d have to give the heavyweight famewhoring belt to Vienna.
ReplyDeleteLet me put it this way: I’m not sure if Vienna was ever “here for the right reasons” — as participants of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise are so fond of saying — but at the very least, during tonight’s interview she was able to recount specific anecdotes of her “life” together with Jake, and point to concrete examples of mistakes that he’d made in their “relationship.” Let’s review: We had Jake’s hurling of the GPS during their drive through Los Angeles, Jake’s meltdown when Vienna suggested shifting the position of their bedroom furniture, Jake’s rage that “a gay guy named Todd” (niiice!) had been in their apartment, and some hard-to-follow bit about the cross-country travel itinerary for a very sick puppy. (No, I’m not talking about Kasey, I mean an actual puppy!) As Vienna so snappily put it: “Can we get a polygraph? ‘CAUSE YOU WOULD FAIL IT!” That moment was brought to you by the word “snap!”
On the other hand, Vienna’s explanation for why she’d chosen to stay in L.A. was about as natural as her hair color. It’s all well and good that she’s now working as a marketing exec — I’ll pause here to let you laugh that one out — for a hair-product company that helps people with cancer. (Vienna! She’s an angel of compassion and commerce!) But I’d have had more respect less contempt for her if she’d just ‘fessed up and said, “Look, since I’m not marrying a guy with a commercial airline pilot’s income, I’ve gotta pay the rent the best way I know how.”
Jake, for his part, seemed to be channeling Terry O’Quinn in The Stepfather, or Terry O’Quinn as Lost‘s Mr. Smokey. His mouth set in an unwavering line, his eyes boilingeth over with fury, he spoke like a man who had come to a streetfight armed with a half-dozen vague and pre-rehearsed anecdotes, and was shocked to discover his adversary was shooting arrows coated in the poison of “40% truth.” I half-expected the dude to announce to Vienna that “Any further criticism of Jake** will result in your immediate strangulation.” Indeed, other than that winning bon mot about Vienna being “like a tabloid,” Jake came off as relentlessly creepy: The way he addressed all his answers to Chris Harrison (not Vienna), the way he spoke about Vienna like a disappointed boss rather than a scorned lover (how about griping she’d participated in an “unauthorized interview”!?), and the way he chanted the words “undermines,” “emasculates,” and “disrespects” like he’d spent two sleep-deprived weeks in a new-age spa praying that his failed fake TV relationship wouldn’t cost him any awesome future gigs on Drop Dead Diva. By the time he shouted “Be quiet while I’m talking!,” I wondered if Vienna fled the scene in tears because of the harshness of his words, or the eeriness of what was going on behind his eyes.
Two final notes: You know that every single former and future Bachelor participant wondered aloud “How did she pull off something that amazing?” after Jake accused Vienna of scoring five tabloid covers in two days.
if I had to score tonight’s verbal boxing match, I’d have to give the heavyweight famewhoring belt to Vienna.
ReplyDeleteLet me put it this way: I’m not sure if Vienna was ever “here for the right reasons” — as participants of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise are so fond of saying — but at the very least, during tonight’s interview she was able to recount specific anecdotes of her “life” together with Jake, and point to concrete examples of mistakes that he’d made in their “relationship.”
Let’s review: We had Jake’s hurling of the GPS during their drive through Los Angeles, Jake’s meltdown when Vienna suggested shifting the position of their bedroom furniture, Jake’s rage that “a gay guy named Todd” (niiice!) had been in their apartment, and some hard-to-follow bit about the cross-country travel itinerary for a very sick puppy. (No, I’m not talking about Kasey, I mean an actual puppy!) As Vienna so snappily put it: “Can we get a polygraph? ‘CAUSE YOU WOULD FAIL IT!” That moment was brought to you by the word “snap!”
On the other hand, Vienna’s explanation for why she’d chosen to stay in L.A. was about as natural as her hair color. It’s all well and good that she’s now working as a marketing exec — I’ll pause here to let you laugh that one out — for a hair-product company that helps people with cancer. (Vienna! She’s an angel of compassion and commerce!) But I’d have had more respect less contempt for her if she’d just ‘fessed up and said, “Look, since I’m not marrying a guy with a commercial airline pilot’s income, I’ve gotta pay the rent the best way I know how.”
Jake, for his part, seemed to be channeling Terry O’Quinn in The Stepfather, or Terry O’Quinn as Lost‘s Mr. Smokey. His mouth set in an unwavering line, his eyes boilingeth over with fury, he spoke like a man who had come to a streetfight armed with a half-dozen vague and pre-rehearsed anecdotes, and was shocked to discover his adversary was shooting arrows coated in the poison of “40% truth.” I half-expected the dude to announce to Vienna that “Any further criticism of Jake** will result in your immediate strangulation.” Indeed, other than that winning bon mot about Vienna being “like a tabloid,” Jake came off as relentlessly creepy: The way he addressed all his answers to Chris Harrison (not Vienna), the way he spoke about Vienna like a disappointed boss rather than a scorned lover (how about griping she’d participated in an “unauthorized interview”!?), and the way he chanted the words “undermines,” “emasculates,” and “disrespects” like he’d spent two sleep-deprived weeks in a new-age spa praying that his failed fake TV relationship wouldn’t cost him any awesome future gigs on Drop Dead Diva. By the time he shouted “Be quiet while I’m talking!,” I wondered if Vienna fled the scene in tears because of the harshness of his words, or the eeriness of what was going on behind his eyes.
Two final notes: You know that every single former and future Bachelor participant wondered aloud “How did she pull off something that amazing?” after Jake accused Vienna of scoring five tabloid covers in two days.